I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
ugly people sure do ruin things
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
