I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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