Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
