Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
