Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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