Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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