i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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