So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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