When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
