I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
