you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
