she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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