he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
