remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
well you can't waste a boner
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
