yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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