hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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