i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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