I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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