I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
