He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
