dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
