As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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