11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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