I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
