remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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