hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
