in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
