I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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