opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
