He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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