I want to make a zoo with you.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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