She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
