i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
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...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
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