i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just want to make out with him forever
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
