Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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