I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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