So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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