So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
