I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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