That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
