i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
