I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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