Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
