this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
