its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
