I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
