Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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