Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
