I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
