Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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