im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
