i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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