I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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