She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
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Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
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When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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