I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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