Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
