you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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