I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
