I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
