Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
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he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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