We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
