roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
