you have to choose: penises or morals?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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