I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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